Ache


I am afraid.

I am afraid to let go.

I am afraid to forget.

I am afraid I would forget your face, and the sound of your voice.

I am afraid I would forget your easy smile, and the way you light up the room just by walking into it.

I am afraid I would forget my big, strong brother, your magicky fingers and all that is about you.

I ache for the people who will never get to meet you. To know how good and kind a person you were.

I ache for the people who will never get to have their lives touched by you.

I ache for the people who might be the ones to touch your life too.

And I ache.......... for you, my big brother.

Hey Big Brother


Happy Birthday.

We love you.

Struck


I am suddenly struck with a bad case of missing you, kor.

We were at the Mandai Columbarium a month ago with gan-ma, and I suddenly had the urge to weep right in front of you. But I controlled it, because gan-ma was there and I didn't want to agitate her.

There are so few photos of you that I can find online, and I am terribly afraid to forget what you looked like, how you talked, how you laughed. I don't dare to ask gan-ma for more of your photos.

I'm afraid to forget how nice a person you were. I'm afraid to forget what we all lost that day you left.

I was just telling my boyfriend, Kenny, the other day, that you would've liked him and he would've liked you, you two had so much in common to talk about. I met him just a mere 10 months after you left. If only I had met him earlier, you would've liked him.

You were my motivation to push forward to get my class 2 license. My TP test is on the 28th of this month.

Kor, I'm sorry that I won't be able to keep my promise. I can't find your old bike, and even if I could I don't think I can lift it off its side-stand. I have to get something newer and lighter. But you're welcomed to pillon with me anytime you like.

.... Where are you? How have you been doing?

I miss you terribly. We all do.

I Found This Online

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Evidently you left a lot behind


I recently found these online.











Does any of them still remember you, I wonder.

Hi Big Brother


It's been a little over three years since you've been gone. We're all doing fine, in fact, we're going to be aunts and uncles soon when Zaiden and Chloe come, which should both be end of this month.

I've been bumbling around, but I've been doing good. Would've been better if you were here. Grandmama and Grandpapa are getting older, and Grandmama refuses to dye her hair anymore. Gan-ma has a fulfilling life with many things crammed into her days that even I have to make an appointment with her if I want to see her.

Everyone in the family has been doing good, and I know everyone misses you a lot. My mom, every time she knew I was going to see you at Mandai, she'd always ask me to bring along messages.

I kept my word, and I've always been riding with you. I know you're always nearby when I ride the fastest. When the wind rushes past me, I can almost hear you whisper faster... faster...
You've always loved the wind.

I've tried to find the place where you took me to the last time I saw you, but I couldn't find it. I know it is in Bishan park, but I've been there many times and couldn't find it. I still remember the CD that they were playing really loud when we were drinking. F.I.R's Fly Away.



I recently came across a couple of your riding photos online, and realized that other than the time you took me to drinking, I've never seen your passion before. Until I saw your group photo at PG, and a couple of you either beside your ZX-11 and in your helmet, I've never truly felt the urgent need to ride with you. To see you ride.

They say that time heals all wounds. What a load of bullshit. It still hurts as much inside as it did at the funeral three years ago. The memories are still as fresh, the stinging is still as deep.

I can still taste the ashes. I can still feel the tears.

I can still feel the wind in my hair...

Happy 28th Birthday, kor



I still miss you everyday.